Chinese Virtue 　　　　　　　　　　 　　　中国人在听到赞美之词时,往往是否定对方的赞美 　之词,贬低自己一番,以示自谦。西方人在这种情况下往 　往因他们的话被直言否决而感到中国人不讲礼貌。

　　
　　I have always found the Chinese to be a very gracious people. In particular, Chinese frequently compliment foreign friends on their language skills, knowledge of Chinese culture, professional accomplishments, and personal health. Curiously, however, Chinese are as loathe to accept a compliment as they are eager to give one. As many of my Chinese friends have explained, this is a manifestation of the Chinese virtue of modesty.
　　I have noticed a difference, though, in the degree to which modesty is emphasized in the United States and China. In the U.S., we tend to place more emphasis on "seeking the truth from facts;" thus, Americans tend to accept a compliment with gratitude. Chinese, on the other hand, tend to reject the compliment, even when they know they deserve the credit or recognition which has been awarded them. I can imagine a Chinese basketball fan meeting Michael Jordan of the Chicago Bulls. He might say, "Mr. Jordan, I am so happy to meet you. I just want to tell you, you are the best basketball player in the world; you're the greatest!" to which Jordan would probably respond, "Thank you so much, I really appreciate it! I just do try to do my best every time I step on the court." If an American met Deng Yaping, China's premier ping pong player, he might say much the same thing: "…Ms. Deng, you're the best!" but as a Chinese, Deng would probably say, "No, I really don't play all that well, you're much too kind."
　　Plainly, Americans and Chinese have different ways of responding to praise. Ironically, many Americans might consider Ms. Deng's hypothetical response the less modest, because it is less truthful - and therefore less sincere. Americans generally place sincerity above etiquette; genuine gratitude for the praise serves as a substitute for protestations of modesty. After all, in the words of one of my closest Chinese friends, modesty taken to the extreme is arrogance.

　　　　　　　　 　　　　　　中国的一个美德

　　我历来认为中国人是非常讲礼仪的，特别是中国人常常称赞外国朋友的语言能力、关于中国文化的知识、专业成果以及个人的健康状况。然而奇怪的是，当他们那样热切地赞美别人时，他们却不愿意接受称赞。如我的许多中国朋友所说，这是中国的谦虚美德的体现。
　　然而，我注意到了中国和美国对谦虚所强调的程度的区别。美国人趋向于以感谢的话接受称赞。而中国人倾向于谢绝称赞，即使他们明知自己对于得到的荣誉和表彰当之无愧。
　　我能设想一位中国篮球迷见到芝加哥公牛队的迈克尔·乔丹时，他可能会说："乔丹先生，见到你我真高兴，我想告诉你，你是世界上最好的篮球运动员，你真了不起。"我对乔丹大概会这样回答："非常感谢，我真心地感谢你的一番话，在球场上每次我都是尽了我最大的努力。"如果一个美国人遇到了邓亚萍――中国的头号乒乓球运动员，他也会说很多类似的话："……邓小姐 ，你是最棒的。"但是做为中国人，邓亚萍可能会说："哪里，我打得不好，您过奖了。"
　　显然，美国人与中国人对称赞的反应方式不同。有趣的是很多美国人也许会认为以上假设的邓亚萍的回答不是谦虚，因为它不真实――因而也就不真诚。美国人总是将真诚置于礼仪之上，对赞扬采取的真诚谢意代替了谦虚的言词，毕竟，用我的一个中国好朋友的话说，谦虚过分就是骄傲。